Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus || Spoken Word

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2011: A Year In Review

Can I just say how STOKED I am for 2012?

I. Am. STOKED.

2011 was an interesting year. In many ways, it was a year of putting on my "mama hat" to friends, acquaintances, and strangers alike, and yet also somehow finding balance in my own life.

I think I've learned, perhaps for the first time, that I really don't have to seek out missionary "stuff" - it pretty much always just comes straight to me. That's life, right? Well, that's the story of my life anyway.

And that's refreshing. It's enabled me to just relax and not feel so frantic inside. For a long time (read: the entire 6 years I've been in full-time missions), I've felt like I needed to drum up exciting crap to report back to my supporters - even when exciting crap was already happening. I always felt like there needed to be more.

This is the first time in my life that I feel established, rooted, and really understand that God's going do what he's going do and use me how he wants to use me and I don't have to give him pointers or take the reigns. It seems obvious, but I suppose sometimes the heftiest lessons are.

An old neighbor from PA wrote me recently and mentioned how she and her husband know a guy in film school in LA who said "You'll know when you set foot on the ground whether you are called there or not."

How ridiculously true this statement is in my life. Every single time I leave LA and then return, I feel like I can breathe again. I LOVE this city. Actually, I seem to sigh or squeal that very phrase at least once a week.

I am so called here - which is weird, because I used to pride myself on being a nomad. And really, who sets down roots in Hollywood? I've moved 7 times in the last 6 years and basically at this point, am super over it. Now don't get me wrong, I'll go where ever God tells me to go, but as it stands, orders from Headquarters are to set up and keep shop in tinsel town.

With that in mind, I want to share a list of high and low lights from 2011. Here we goooo!

• Walked David, a new friend, through an ER visit over the phone due to a near-death bout with cellulitus from a less than sanitary tattoo shop. Later raised $1200 as a surprise to cover all hospital bills.

• Ministered for the 3rd time at AVN in Vegas with the Pink Cross team - the largest stateside porn show in existence. True to form, spiritual attack was rampant and 2 new team members left mid show and slandered Pink Cross publicly. I predicted that this would be my last show for a while. It was.

• My mom was taken to the hospital with a freak cellulitus infection in her foot while I was at the show.

• Housed for 4.5 months, trained in support raising, and helped ordain as a chaplain a brand new missionary.

• Spotted Seal at The Grove.

• Traveled overseas for the first time, by myself, officiated a wedding ceremony at St. Margaret's chapel in the Edinburgh castle in Edinburgh Scotland for a longtime girlfriend, ministered to the bipolar bride and groom the week leading up to the wedding, stayed in the home of a British/Scottish gay couple, helped the bride write her vows in Edinburgh's pubs, sang and played Ben Folds' "The Luckiest" at the reception, and met and befriended an amazing missionary couple who sing, dance, and wow the crowds on Germany's version of Broadway.

• Received a phone call from a dear girlfriend I met a couple years ago through Pink Cross who is an ex porn star and who had just attempted suicide, was in the ER, and didn't have anyone else to call who would come be with her. Drove to the hospital with a friend, prayed over her in her hospital bed after she spat "This needs to be documented. This is what the porn industry did to me." Shortly after, met, talked with, and prayed over her soon to be ex 50+ year old rocker, coked out, tranny prostitute loving boyfriend in the waiting room. One week later, picked her up from a mental hospital in which she had made a promise with the Lord that if he got her out in 1 week exactly, she'd go to church. He did. And she did.

• Gained 4 different mentor couples from Bakersfield, Carlsbad, Irvine, and Huntington Beach.

• Had multiple 5 hour women's prayer nights with Reality LA girlfriends and saw amazing inner healings take place.

• Participated in a Reality LA prayer tour through Venice Beach.

• Formed a small and fleeting but powerful prayer group with friends from Reality.

• My dad fell 10 feet off a ladder with a chainsaw in hand while cutting down tree branches and broke his ankle.

• Understood for the first time how deeply intertwined intercession and warfare are. I and my praying friends subsequently kept getting our rear ends handed to us as we kept warring in the spirit over our city and the people who live here, our church, and the world.

• Unintentionally, but divinely stepped into a major ministry of intercession.

• Received a phone call from a radio DJ friend who took in a frantic, hysterical British musician girl whose boyfriend kicked her out on the street and left her in a foreign city alone. I sat on the floor with her, held her as she cried, and though she had demon tattoos all over her arms, allowed me to pray over her. She kept saying "That was the most beautiful prayer I've ever heard. Thank you, thank you so much. That was so beautiful."

• Was rushed to the ER from a freak allergic reaction to a salad, ended up being fine, was slammed with a $700 hospital bill after being seen for 5 minutes and given a Benadryl, and after applying for help from a hospital charity, saw the entire bill completely wiped.

• Spent an evening at Haylie and Jonny Lang's home where their 3 year old twins called me Aunty Heather and wanted me to help tuck them in, then laid on the couple's bedroom floor for hours talking about the Lord with Haylie, her sister Ashley and Ashley's boyfriend Tyler.

• Turned 28, had a close group of friends pray over me for an hour at an outdoor Hollywood art park in the rain, got serenaded by 3 random 16 year old art school boys. Swooned a little.

• Moved in with Sarah! Finally a roommate and west coast bestie - after praying for over 2 years.

• Went through hassle after hassle after hassle getting into our building - the most incredible circumstantial warfare I've ever personally seen.

• Finally got our place, which from the roof, has a panoramic view of the entire city. This is what we prayed so hard for so we could have a "watchtower" to pray from to war over Hollywood.

• Had multiple in-house dinners to feed and pray over and anoint sisters and brothers who are going through incredibly difficult times.

• Had multiple major prayer meetings in house and on the roof.

• Started hosting our small group in our apartment.

• Ran into (literally) Simon Baker, the guy from the Mentalist, while grocery shopping at Trader Joe's.

• Built close relationships with my church family, small group, and pastors and leaders at Reality.

• Was asked to join the official prayer team at Reality LA.

• Finally beat a 6+ year battle with acne.

• Began volunteering with Ryfo, a ministry that reaches out to touring musicians.

• Lost $600 in monthly support.

• Laptop crashed, bit the bullet and bought a new one.

• Spent Thanksgiving with the Lubben fam and Pink Cross team in Bakersfield.

• After 2 years of deep prayer, finally gained clear vision and direction from the Lord on some new steps to take in my missionary journey. Was released to step into artistry missionally.

• Traveled to Indy twice for 2 different weddings, got to see and spend quality time with K-Trout and my Keynote fam, only made it to 1 of the weddings.

• My kittie Gracie got a major bladder infection while I was traveling and my rock star roommate morphed into mama and nursed her back to health.

• Was scheduled to finally get my first tattoo, the traveling artist flaked and canceled, I found an even better artist whose shop is 20 minutes from my home.

• Was uninvited to my best guy friend of 10+ year's wedding for various personal reasons, simultaneously wept with him over the phone for over an hour, was apologized to for being asked to "take the hit" and thanked for "being Christ" to him.

• Went home to PA, was sick in bed for a week, got a manicure/pedicure with my mom for the first time ever, and saw three of my favorite women in the world - Megan (and her BABE of a daughter Gwen and hubby Trav), Yvonne (and her hubby Scott), and Sayward. Got to spontaneously minister to and pray over Scott, whose band is in the process of really taking off.

• Received a phone call while in PA that our latest rent checks were stolen.

• Prayed over a historic Hollywood church with staff and volunteers and anointed the ground with oil to prepare to morph the space into a homeless shelter for Hollywood's most vulnerable - namely, women, children, and the elderly living on the streets.

• Took Sarah to the ER and Spine Center for an MRI where she was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and spinal stenosis.

• My parents came to Hollywood for Christmas and spent 5 days with me.

• We held Christmas at our apartment for anyone who didn't go home and had upwards of 15 people come through the door throughout the day.

• Are hosting a New Year's Eve party TONIGHT!

There are a couple other notable things that happened this year, but they are close to my heart, and a girl's gotta keep some things private.

So my friends, here's to reflecting on the past, honoring the present, and looking forward to the future and the many exciting, unexpected things that are in store!

2012, here we come!

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5 Days in LA

My parents just spent 5 days of Christmas with me here in LA.

It was kind of like the 8 crazy nights of Hanukkah Adam Sandler sings about, only with less days, more Slovak, and a rivaling amount of celebrity brouhaha.

They arrived at LAX at 1am Wednesday morning (whose idea was that again?) and were greeted by me and my car radio blasting Gaga's "Edge of Glory" - THE perfect welcome to this great City of Angels.

After racking my brain for WEEKS over what I could get them for Christmas - with highly desired peep toe boots and lime green reading glasses nowhere to be found - it finally hit me. "What? Duh. Tour them around the city. Take 'em to a movie at one of the rock star theaters in town. Feed 'em at a fun restaurant." Done and done. Pat pat pat on the back back back.

So once Friday rolled around, here's how it went down - we went on a 5 1/2 hour mini bus sightseeing tour of (as plagiarized word for word from lacitytours.com):

• Sunny California Beaches - See the famous Muscle Beach and where "Baywatch" and "White Men Can't Jump" was filmed. The boardwalk is alive with the colorful music and artistic beach scene with the beautiful California coastline as a backdrop. Santa Monica Pier, Venice Beach, Marina Del Rey. It's California sunshine year 'round.

• Downtown - Disney Concert Hall, Nokia LA Live, Staples Center (home of the Lakers). Olvera Street - the oldest street in LA, was founded in 1781 by Spanish settlers. Experience the Mexican culture and the colonial history of Los Angeles.

• Hollywood - See Grauman's Chinese Theater, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and Kodak Theater - the new "Home of the Oscars." Also, look for your favorite celebrity's handprints. Visit the filming locations of Entourage, Charlie's Angels, Get Shorty, and more.

• World Famous Hollywood Sign - Have your picture taken in front of the world famous Hollywood sign overlooking Mulholland Drive. This will be the most memorable moment of your visit. It'll be worth your trip to visit the "City of Angels."

• Sunset Strip - Drive through 77 Sunset Strip, where stars party and shop! See the Viper Room (owned by Johnny Depp) and lots of night clubs. Find fun places to come back to, and you may see some celebrities when you go out later that night!

• Beverly Hills, Bel Air, and Star's Homes - Visit 45 movie star homes like Michael Jackson, Aaron Spelling, Tom Cruise, Ozzy Osborne, Barbara Streisand, Paris Hilton, Nicolas Cage, Sean Connery, Bruce Willis, George Harrison, Elvis Presley, Christina Aguilera, Cher, Rod Stewart, Bugsy Siegel, Mick Jagger, Jim Morrison, Frank Sinatra, Lucille Ball, Marilyn Monroe, Bill Cosby, Madonna, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and more. From the mansions of the stars of yesterday to the mega-stars of today, everyone is sure to see their favorites.

• Rodeo Drive - Where the movie stars shop - possibly see your favorite stars. Very good chance to meet celebrities at this stop.

After the tour, we went straight to the El Capitan Theater on Hollywood Blvd to see The Muppets where our VIP tickets got us 8th row seating, a free Muppets bucket of popcorn, and a free large soda.

Before the movie started, there was an opening Christmas sing along with an extremely peppy El Capitan employee and of course the infamous Kermit the frog and Miss. Piggy. There was also snow. Like, for real. Inside the theater. It was awesome.

After the movie (which was super funny and cute, in case you were wondering), we walked across Hollywood Blvd and concluded our night at the Hard Rock Cafe where we ate way too much and enjoyed (mostly because it was so painful) Hard Rock's weekly Friday night Rock-e-oke - which is Hollywood's cruel, cruel joke of singing karaoke in front of a live band.

Then we came home and dad and I watched Leonardo DiCaprio go certifiably insane in The Beach while mama snoozed on the couch after a super full day.

The rest of the 5 day extravaganza included things like breakfast at the ultra hip coffee shop around the corner that I never seem to find time to frequent, a stroll through Pier One where a gold glitter flaked blanket I've had my eye on since July finally came home with me, a really long jet lag nap, a homemade spaghetti dinner, mom helping me dye my bananas-long mane my favorite shade of that-ain't-natural red, house hunting a couple hours away 'cause they're thinking about moving to Cali one day, going on a GIGANTIC blessing of a grocery shopping spree, lounging in the sun and reading the newspaper on the roof, getting stiffed by unwanted valet parking at a Thai restaurant right down the street, the parentals enjoying Thai food for the first time (they got Pad Thai, I got Panang Curry), going to Reality LA's first ever Christmas Eve service - a candle lighting service at a historic church in Silver Lake where I parked on a hill that was basically at a 90 degree angle, watched The Beach again, then Mr. & Mrs. Smith, opened the apartment on Christmas day to anyone who didn't fly home for Christmas, saw upwards of 15 people come in and out during the course of the day, again ate way too much, watched Elf, The Muppets Christmas Carol, and Home Alone, drove to Burbank to pick up my favorite, Seattle-bred roomie, visited and ate at Laguna Beach for parent and roomie bonding time, morphed into models and photographers as we explored the beach, crashed a 2 grande a night hotel to use the john, escaped multi-mile backed up traffic from a major fender bender, and ended up at Ikea where mom and dad bought us all kinds of home decore goodies like picture frames, table lamps, wine glasses, and an under-cabinet wine glass holder. Oh, and dad fixed my shoe rack right before we hit LAX for the second time. No more tripping over floor scattered footwear. Thank God.

It was definitely a full 5 days and I'm so glad they came.

Of course, no trip would be complete without a trillion pictures to commemorate the time, so without further adieu, enjoy! (And click the pic to enlarge!)

Venice Beach

Olvera St.

The Hollywood sign and a view of downtown LA from Mullholland Dr.

THE BEST STOP ON THE TOUR

- ahem -

rock and roll hand prints in front of Guitar Center on Sunset

(I'm gunnin' for you, Ozzy)

Clockwise: The fire escape where Pretty Woman was filmed,

the gates to the Playboy Mansion (which I will be returning to to pray over),

"The Witch's House" in Beverly Hills, and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air mansion!

Innnnnnnn West Philadelphia, born and raised...

Rodeo Dr.

The Muppets at El Capitan!

Hard Rock Cafe and Rock-e-oke

Christmas day!

Laguna Beach

Clockwise: mom and dad on the steps of the Kodak Theater,

breakfast at 'round the corner ultra hip coffee shop,

GIGANTIC blessing of a grocery shopping spree,

lunch at the Hollywood stop of the tour with the most obnoxiously sized

slices of pizza we've ever seen or eaten in our collective lives.

Also, in case anyone is wondering, editing and collaging 42 photos on an iPhone app is less than a snap and I may or may not have bellowed out one or more "Come ONs!" and a few other choice phrases. With that in mind, hope you enjoyed 5 days in LA!

What did you do for Christmas this year?

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Amazing Grace

Raw and beautiful. Enjoy!!

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Merry Christmas from Hollywood!

Merry Christmas, dear hearts!

It has been an absolutely incredible year serving Jesus here in Hollywood. I will write a year in review blog soon and also share some new avenues of ministry the Lord's been laying on my heart that I'm particularly stoked about for the new year. God bless you, everyone. Thank you so much to so many of you for impacting my life so greatly, encouraging me, praying for me, and humbly advancing the Kingdom with me.

And now for the ridiculous... would you expect any less?

Click the link and enjoy a little Jib Jab!

A Very Merry Jib Jab Christmas from Heather & Gracie!

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Shocking Footage of Women Abused on the Porn Set (A California Workplace)

I have to show you something.

Please be warned that portions of this video are graphic. They are blurred out to protect you, but no film edit can erase the reality of what you are about to see - the reality of what you need to see.

A sizable portion of my missionary efforts over the last 3 years have been aimed toward loving the women (and men) just like the ones you are about to see in this video. I have listened to their stories, held them in my arms, wept with them, prayed over them, appealed to law makers for them, been threatened by their pornographers, knelt by their ER bedsides after suicide attempts, picked them up from hotels, airports, and mental hospitals, gone to church with them, shared meals with them, laughed with them, played with their children, seen the light drained from their eyes, and watched that very same light come back into their eyes.

These women are my sisters. They are my friends and I am humbled and honored to know them. But they have gone through unspeakable abuse - both at the hands of pornographers and at the hands of the public who so consistently demand harder and harder acts.

If you watch pornography - please - I beg you to stop. If you need help, seek help. It is available. I personally know men (and women) who have completely turned away from consuming pornography and have become advocates, activists, and prayer warriors for these women and men and against this multi-billion dollar industry.

My prayer for myself and for you, dear hearts, is a deep, ferocious echo of the late, great missionary and martyr for Jesus Christ, Jim Elliot.

"Father, make of me a crisis man. Bring those I contact to decision. Let me not be a milepost on a single road; make me a fork, that men must turn one way or another on facing Christ in me."

This is a call to action to everyone listening.

Please share this video and blog.

Visit www.thepinkcross.org for more information.

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Street Harassment: A Verbal Hollaback Call To A Few Good Men

At about 1:30 this afternoon, I took a half a block stroll down the street to drop well over 100 Christmas love notes into the corner mailbox for my dear financial and prayer ministry partners. Walking back, enjoying the warm California sun on my face, a man leans out his car window and yells at me "YO BABY! YOU GOT A BIG BOOTY!"

Sigh.

#1. No. I don't. I weigh about 4lbs. I don't have a big anything.

#2. Eyes on the road. That's how accidents happen.

#3. Men. Dear, sweet, precious, courageous men. If you ever see this kind or any other kind of sexual aggression happen to a woman in public and the opportunity allows, please have the courage to approach the aggressor and kindly tell him man to man that it's not cool to yell at or speak to a woman like that, remind him of our worth, remind him of his own worth, and encourage him to be a man who will respect and protect women.

We need you. We deal with this daily. The hollers, ogles, and gestures are many things but they are never welcomed. In reality, they are maddening, at times scary, and always, always dangerous because they continually reinforce the mindset and stigma that we as women are nameless, faceless walking sex, only noteworthy and noticeable if we can produce a rise below the belt.

Women in NYC have actually started a nonprofit called Hollaback whose aim is to combat street harassment by using mobile technology. The idea is to turn the tables on the aggressor, record his image via photo or video on our cell phones, share our stories and their images online, tell where the harassment happened, and empower women to not just "take it."

But this right here is a call to a few good men.

I know you're out there. I personally know many of you by name. And I take comfort in knowing that there are many, many, many more of you out there who I don't know by name. So please. Stand up for us any chance you get. Man to man, stand on behalf of women. Speak. Teach. Challenge. Lead. Be who you are designed to be. We women need you to be culture shapers and mind changers.

So in advance and on behalf of all women everywhere, thank you. We are behind you. We believe in you. We love you.

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